Halfway Through, Fully Burned Out

I’ve just finished my second year of Music School in college!  This year, I’ve worked harder than I ever knew I could, and I feel very fortunate to have had the opportunities that have allowed me to do so.

So much happened this last school year:

I’ve had my compositions featured in several student composer concerts…

Debuting

And I had one piece performed by the New Music Ensemble.

The Belmont New Music Ensemble debuts my composition
The Belmont New Music Ensemble debuts my composition “Rise”

I was awarded a scholarship for my work as a composer at the end of this semester.

I was nominated to present a Music Theory paper I wrote on a Xenakis piece at the annual student research symposium next spring.

I was accepted to study composition for two weeks this summer at the Wintergreen Summer Music Academy.

I'll be spending 2 weeks here (somewhere) improving my composition skills.
I’ll be spending 2 weeks here (somewhere) improving my composition skills.

 

On the outside, everyone (myself included) would say I’ve thrived this year.  I do enjoy my successes, but there’s also a darker side to it:

I’m burned out now and utterly exhausted.

This isn’t the typical, “I’m going to lie around and rest on the couch for a few days now that I’m home.”  This is, “I seriously wonder if I’ve lost my passion and ability for composing.”

What can I do?  I feel that the only way I might get my composing back is to take a break until I can’t stand it any longer.  Then, I’ll get my passion back because I’ll have missed composing so much.  At least, this is how I hope it will work out…  Maybe I really do just need to rest because I pushed myself so hard this whole year.

Although part of me has legitimately questioned whether I might hate composing now, stepping away from it, even for a week, has been one of the hardest things for me to do, because I don’t feel completely whole unless I compose.  And this is why, on some level, I know I haven’t truly “lost” my composing.

For now, I think I’ll just celebrate the fact that I’ve made it hallway through college—and not only made it, but did really well.  I’m going to praise God for all of the good things that have happened—and still praise Him through the frustration (and sometimes despair) of my present burnout.  This, too, shall pass.

Someday soon, I’ll get past this.  I’m still planning for a second album this summer!  But first, I need to remember it’s called a “summer vacation for a reason…

So readers, I’m curious: how do you fight back against burnout?  How do you get your passion back?

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